Well, the answer is that I am still working on getting our new site up and ready to go–it’s just taking a little longer than I’d expected!

And I’m also REALLY backed up on e-mail. So if you sent me a note expressing interest in blogging with us, I’m not ignoring you! I hope to get in touch with everyone this week and have everything ready to go by next week.

In the meanwhile, we may be a little disorganized, so if you’re tired of checking in and wondering what’s going on with us, just shoot an e-mail to info@largerfamilies.com and put “updates” in the subject line. I’ll send you a note when we’re moved over and ready to go.

Thanks for your patience!

Trying to not lose my crackers is a constant battle. Losing my cool, losing my marbles, blowing my top …. LOSING IT. Hey, I have five kids. Six if you count my husband. It happens, right?

I’ve been battling a cold this week, which means that my fuse has been a little shorter than usual. I noticed yesterday, when screeching at my offspring (it was the fever talking. honest.) that my kitchen window was wide open. And the new next door neighbors were in the process of moving in. I think the “welcome to the neighborhood” jello mold that I will be bringing them a.s.a.p. had better be pretty spectacular, don’t you?

They’ll be eating out of my hand soon enough, though, hopefully. I’ve discovered that I have a knack for making people feel really good about themselves (thanks to my many obvious short-comings). It’s just a fine line that I find myself walking: making other guy seem like they’re flaws are not NEARLY as apparent as mine … while still trying to maintain some shred of dignity.

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Bonny is a homeschooling mom to five kids, ages 14, 12, 7, 5 & 5.

One complaint I have with having four small children is the frequency of looks, stares, and unkind comments by strangers. Actually my complaint has nothing to do with my children, but everything to do with feeling like I’m some sort of freak when I’m out in public.

It really seems impossible to be out and about with my children and not have all eyes on us. I know that four is an above average number of children, and when they are all within a 5-year span that can be even more shocking. But…I do not feel that this warrants the unwanted attention and comments I receive.

Whenever any parent ventures out with a small child there is always a little concern about the child misbehaving and causing a scene. When you have many young children this concern is even greater. If any or all of my kids were to act up when we’re dining out I’d expect the stares and maybe even a comment. My complaint, though, has to do with the fact that I’m receiving this treatment even when my kids are very well-behaved (which they usually are when we are out in public, not so much at home, but in public-yes). Knowing that the mere presence of my family walking through store doors will draw a lot of unwanted attention can be stressful.
I know that most large(r) families out there share this same complaint. I’ve also recently read where a woman who has two small children started babysitting two other small children. She noticed a drastic difference in the treatment she received from total strangers when she was out in public with the four children (6 and under). I’m guessing she’s received some of the comments strangers have made to me: “WOW, you have your hands full” (spoken with a “you’re NUTS” attitude), “are they ALL yours” (not spoken with an admiring tone), or my personal favorite “you know you probably could have prevented this!” In many ways I feel like someone with a disability with all of the looks and stares I get, yet I don’t think anyone would walk up to someone in a wheelchair and say “you know you probably could have prevented this!”

So this takes me to my quick trip to Kohls the other day. I’m walking through the store with my youngest in a stroller and the other three walking with me. They are being good and quiet and I’m hoping to get through the store without drawing too much attention. All of a sudden I turn the corner and an elderly woman walking towards me stops as we start to pass by her. (Great I think to myself) “Are they all yours” she asks…(Here we go again)…”Yes” I quickly reply not wanting to encourage a discussion on my reproductive activities. “How old are they? Are any twins?”…(And it continues)…”No, they are 6, 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 14 months.” She gets a look of shock on her face and lets out a little gasp…(Now here comes the rude comment)…She looks up at me and with the most sincere look says “You are sooo lucky!”…(OMG, did she really say what I think she said!?)…”Uh, thanks! Yes, I am.” She turns to walk away and then quickly turns around and says “And so are their grandmas!”

So thank you kind lady at Kohls! You made my day and reminded me that all of the attention we receive is not always bad.

Jennifer is a freelance writer, wife and mother of one daughter (age 6) and three sons (ages 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 15 months). She also blogs at Managing the MotherLoad.

Last Sunday morning when I got myself, my 7 year old and my two 5 year olds all situated in church (my two older kids have Sunday school opposite the rest of us) and turned to find that my husband had not followed us in. He’d found someone’s ear to talk off. Now, I’m sure that many of you manage church just fine with kids far younger than mine, but I will admit right here that I have some troubles with those twins (I’m sure this comes as no surprise to you. There are very few things in life where I could even dream of giving the impression of having “figured it all out.” Parenting twins is definitely NOT one of them.)

While by age five, my older kids did quite well with sitting in church when they needed to, it just ain’t so with my little cabooses. Turns out that it’s unrealistic to have the same expectations from twins than from a singleton. If you have twins, and can commiserate …. bless you. If you have twins and don’t understand what I’m talking about … please post. I’d like to sit at your feet for a while.

The girls did pretty well in the service with me (again, with their Dad yakking away somewhere in the foyer over a donut, presumably…) until right before the sermon began. You see, they’d already sat still for 20 seconds. They’d already used up every little thing in their “busy bags.” I’d already made apologies to everyone sitting in our close vicinity (actually I did this as they came to sit down – apologize in advance. It never hurts to do this). As soon as the pastor stood up to begin his Sunday morning special, I shoo-ed them out as discreetly as possible. As soon as we left the sanctuary, of course, VIOLA! Dad! There he is! Go get ‘em, girls! It’s his turn! and then I turned and went back for a peacefully quiet sermon.

Ideally, I am a fan of families worshipping together. Realistically, however, I am a fan of great kids programming. Very often, it seems that my reality and my ideals just don’t quite match up, and when they do match up, it’s a little loud and messy sometimes. Thanks to everyone who was in church with me last week, who showed me and my girls a little extra grace. I will return the favor – I promise.

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Bonny is a homeschooling mom to five kids, ages 14, 12, 7, 5 and 5.

“People tend to like children, so why would they dislike other people’s children? It’s only if they think those children are taking up space and resources that are in short supply,” he says. “If everybody had 11 kids, it would increase the population pressure on our planet. But if only a few families do, it’s not going to make much of a difference.”–Andrew Cherlin, sociologist at Johns Hopkins University

Says Steven Mintz, a University of Houston history professor and co-chairman of the Council on Contemporary Families: “We’re a society that claims to love children but, in fact, we say things like, ‘Children are a drain on our world’s resources.’ Nobody would have said that 50 years ago; they wouldn’t have thought it.” Mintz points to a change from a family-oriented to a work-oriented society for this shift in perception.

I’ve seen this myself–we give lip service to being a kid-oriented society, but that’s only in that kids (and parenting) has become a huge industry. Kids are important because they’re consumers, but they can’t take up too much space, time or energy…then they’re just a drain.

But according to Lynne Cimorelli, the mother featured in the story: “I think most people view (children) as a burden, not a blessing. Because if you saw them as a blessing, you would say, ‘Wow, you are so lucky.’ “

Exactly!

–Check out more about my book at http://www.tableforeightbook.com/

I love the idea of Mass being a peaceful prayer time to be closer to God. In reality, it’s all about keeping the peace between children and not letting them be closer together.

My first tip is to find a children’s service. At our church, the children leave to another chapel during the readings and homily (sermon) and receive a kid friendly version. My husband and I always look kinda funny sitting so far apart in our then empty pew. I really like the children’s service not only because the kids enjoy it but it also helps them understand church isn’t boring listening for grown-ups, they can be part of it too.

Almost more important than the actual service is to make sure everyone is fed and well rested and has gone potty. No one can be expected to sit quietly for an hour if they are starving or tired (unless you are lucky and they fall asleep, mine always whined loudly how tired they were). And since your kids are angels and would never try this, I’m sure I’m the only one who has to make mine use to the restroom right before Mass to keep them honest. When they suddenly “need to go!”, I can remind them they just went and they aren’t getting out of sitting through church so easily.

Next bring age appropriate distractions. I’ve never been a fan of food or sippy cups but my mother-in-law has saved my sanity a few times during a long service with some fruit snacks she had in her purse. I prefer coloring books and crayons for the preschool set and as they enter grade school, mine now have children’s Mass books. Look on Amazon.com, there are a lot kid friendly religious books. These are nice in two ways, they help the kids follow along through the service (course being Roman Catholic, I’m spoiled with nearly every Mass all over the world being almost identical in structure) and if the kids are bored, the books are a good distraction and still relevant. Unlike Captain Underpants or Dora the Explorer.

To answer the “how much longer” question, we count songs. (i.e. “Four songs left!”) This helps with the little kids who can’t gauge minutes. For the older kids, they can’t be grumpy because it’s not over when you guessed since Father Tom said the long prayer instead of the short one. Plus it gets the kids interested in the singing and any distraction is a good one.

Now the nitty gritty of keeping everything together. Or more aptly, apart. In my family, certain kids are not allowed to sit next to each other. The temptation between these siblings is just too great to pick on each other. My husband and I are the buffers, placed strategically between the ends of the pew and the children.

Go over your expectations on the drive to or before entering the building. Mine are something like “no hitting, spitting, yelling, fighting, kicking, pinching, touching, or talking loudly.” We have a 3 Looks, You’re Out rule. Screaming for more than 10 seconds also automatically means being pulled out. While at first the child is thrilled (they are out of Mass!), they either miss out on ice cream (in the summer we often stop at a soft serve place on our way home) or they will be spending time in their room or a corner at home. Follow up on the punishment or reward is key and often after the 1st reminder (“straighten up or no ice cream”) they are able to finish the service without any problems.

And the last tip is practice, practice, practice. The more often you go, the more likely they’ll pick up on the proper behaviors and you can eventually be the peaceful praying family. We’re still not quite there yet but I definitely have the praying part down: “Thank you God for keeping this from being a complete disaster.”

Katie Fleck is a stay at home mom of five, Zach (10 years), Emily and Ally (8 1/2 year old identical twins), Kyle (6 years), and Kelly (4 1/2 years old). On a quest for a self cleaning house and 27 hour days, she writes at Ramblings of a SAHM

Today was one of those days where my patience was tried a bit in such a situation. Our boys are attending a Lutheran school attached to a teeny-tiny parish where it appears that the congregation is literally dying off day by day. Thus, not a lot of children or young families attend the services with any kind of consistency and the “regulars” are a pretty sedate older crowd.

This is in pretty stark contrast to the Catholic church we attended in Michigan, where families–if not big families–were everywhere and the sounds of babies cooing and crying and toddlers rustling around were common. The lobby area had speakers where you could hear the service–and see what was going on through the huge glass doors at the back of the sanctuary–and there were always at least a couple of parents sitting out their with upset or overly loud kids.

At this church there is nowhere to take loud kids, and no “out of the way” pew to hide in if you know you might have to make a quick escape . It’s a teeny building, and the acoustics don’t do such a great job of absorbing sounds. Even Jacob and Isaac, who have years of practice sitting through a Mass quietly and reverently, made too much noise for my comfort level as they rustled around, trying to keep up with an unfamiliar service and whispering questions to me a bit too loudly, questions like “WHY DON’T KIDS TAKE COMMUNION HERE?” (this particular parish doesn’t do first communion until 8th grade) and “MOM WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OVER? FIVE MINUTES? TEN?” (they also weren’t quite as, um, religious about keeping the service to exactly one hour as what my kids are used to).

Nobody seemed to care. Quite the opposite–we were received warmly (As Jon later put it, we practically had a bullseye on our foreheads saying BE NICE TO US! A big, young family seems to be a hot commodity to an aging congregation that’s worried about the future of its church). Yet I kept thinking of this mother I used to admire in our old school/church. She had five kids, three of them very small (it looked like she’d had a baby every year and a half or so) and brought them to at least two services a week (I saw her almost every Wednesday and then again when we did attend on Saturdays or Sundays, which I admit was not too often). They would come in and sit down quietly all around her, and then…just sit there. Through the entire service. Sure, they wiggled as kids do, and drank their sippy cups and sometimes drew quietly with crayons but this mother didn’t look the least harried–she actually looked as though she was, yaknow, getting something out of the service. Whereas today I felt like all I did was run interference: helping the kids find their places in the hymnal, reminding them to be quiet, keeping Owen from shrieking/screaming, keeping Will from TALKING SO LOUD, etc. I admit that last year the reason I liked to come to Wednesday services rather than on the weekend was because I knew that three of my kids would be under the rule of their teachers–so I only had to keep Owen occupied. And frankly, that was enough.

Now, I’m sure it doesn’t look as bad from the outside as bad as it feels from the inside, because we often get compliments on our kids’ public behavior. In fact, we get those compliments so often that we are always surprised by them, because I am usually worrying that we look slightly out of control. And there was no willful disruption this morning….it was just normal kid stuff, magnified by a small space, new environment and a touch of public parenting defensiveness on my part. But it’s just so much inner WORK that an hour-long service, (or a concert, or a movie, or any restaurant without a play place), can sometimes leave me exhausted. My inner dialogue is like this: “hmm, Owen’s getting bored. Maybe he’s thirsty. I’ll give him his sippy cup. But what if he hits it on the pew, or worse, throws it and it hits that old lady’s head in front of us? Oh-oh, hymn time. I hope the kids kept the ribbons in the right spots. Crud, they didn’t. Okay, I’ll just open my book and help them follow along. But what if Will wants to share too? He can’t read yet; maybe I”ll just open another book to any old page and trick him…” All the over-appeasing kind of stuff I simply wouldn’t do in my own home, I find myself doing in a public situation because it seems like a better option than dealing with stubborn meltdowns or arguments. Maybe more preparation is the key? Or higher expectations from the kids.

Or maybe not. Maybe underneath her serene smile, the woman with the five quiet kids was sweating and making her contingency plans–including a hasty emergency exit if necessary–just like me. Maybe I just need to realize that we are really fine as we are, and if anything, relax a little. What do you think? And if you have any tips for tending to several kids’ needs during a religious service or other decorus event–while also getting something from the event yourself!–I’d love to hear them.

Meagan also blogs at Equilibrium.

1. I don’t have time.

Well DUH. I have five kids, right? And a spouse who works long hours, too. But then, well, I do have a YMCA membership, with free childcare to boot. I do have an alarm clock, too, to wake me up early if I want to go before the rest of the family. And a van that usually even has gas in the gas tank. I even have a great neighborhood and several little ones who are thrilled at the idea of going on a walk or bikeride to one of the 8 parks in my close neighborhood. Go figure.

2. I’m sick.

Well, I did use this one yesterday. I planned on working out after I got my son to football practice, got my daughter picked up from the pool and delivered to youth group. I had a slot of time to stop and get my cardio in, before picking my son up again. But I’d been up sick the night before, napped in the afternoon, and the 3 littles were pretty stir crazy. I opted to let them play on the playground next to the football field while I watched the last half of practice. Sitting down, of course.

3. My child is maimed or injured.

And this would be my excuse today, as a matter of fact. I have my exercise clothes on. The plan was to drop the boy off at practice and head straight to the Y, and put the three little girls in childcare while I got an extra good workout in (my oldest has a swim meet tonight). Well, about 5 minutes after the girls went outside to play, one of the twins came to the patio door, blood spurting out of her forehead. The other twin had clobbered her with a piece of pvc pipe and split her head open, right on her temple. At present she’s parked on the couch, watching old Olsen Twins videos (that alone indicates the magnitude of the trauma), head butterflied (not very well, I’m afraid), dried blood and dirt all over her, spent from screaming – no pun intended – bloody murder.

4. I just don’t feel like it.

I’ve used this one on more than one occasion. The fact is that I can usually use the “I don’t have time” card pretty often. I don’t know … I found the time to compress a gaping wound on my child’s head today. I found time to make sure my kids had pretty much everything they needed (or access to everything they needed). I guess you could say that sometimes I’m just not that into it.

This probably paints a pretty lousy picture of me. I honestly DO exercise pretty regularly. In the last few months not as often as I would have liked to (and not often enough to be continuing to lose weight like I was last spring) but I know that once we get past this current jag, I’ll have another opportunity to bust my rear end on that treadmill. Part of my life as a parent-to-many means that sometimes, something really does have to give. Not consistently the same thing, hopefully, but it’s a juggle. Definitely. How many times have I said that the realities of life don’t often measure up to the ideals?

I’ll be at it again tomorrow, honest.

Hopefully.

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Bonny is a homeschooling mom to five kids, ages 14, 12, 7, 5 and 5.

In the process of trying to lose weight and get into smaller pants, which was my immediate first goal, I became more aware of the need for exercise as a health need for long term. Meaning that I was not on a “diet”, but I was making a “lifestyle change”. I realized this one day when I was in a rotten mood and all I craved was not chocolate and sugar but a good butt kickin’ run.

I’ve handled this life change in a couple of different ways. The most important approach is to make exercise a family event. We put on music and dance in the family room, we do the Hip Hop Abs dvd’s together, we all walk or bike to the park and they play while I run extra. We play soccer as a family in the backyard. I work out with a trainer at 5 a.m. three days a week, while my kids sleep in. I go for longer walks and runs on the weekends with my little ones in the double jog stroller while my big kids have soccer practice. I take capoeira classes three times a week and have my big kids watch my younger ones. (Not without a good deal of screaming and complaining, mind you.) At the very minimum, I park further and we all walk together. In short, I use a multitude of approaches, which ensures that I get it done.

I don’t want to wake up in twenty years too overweight and out of shape to walk up the steps. I was already well on my way there, using my multiple pregnancies as an excuse. I don’t want to be in a wheelchair, unable to attend my kids graduations. I don’t want to see my kids in plus sizes as adults, making excuses for their lack of health because I hadn’t shown them the importance of exercise during their formative years. I don’t want to have my kids diagnosed with heart disease, high blood pressure and other diseases, simply because I didn’t make health a priority. I was moving in the wrong direction and taking my family with me.

One thing I had to struggle with was my martyr complex. I put myself last for the “good of my family”, doing for them and not for myself. I always did their “stuff” first, and so I never had time for my “stuff”. No longer. I know now that by putting myself first and getting into shape and staying healthy, I am showing my children that I am important, just as important as they are.

Moms, be selfish. Take the time to treat yourself right. Get out there and break a sweat – you are worth it!

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Carmen is a part time working mom and full time exercise enthusiast. When not driving carpool, gulping down coffee or lifting weights, she can be found at Mom to the Screaming Masses, where she gripes about her life, and The Elff Diet, a site devoted to diet, exercise and healthy living.

I have a good reason to be wary of planning an exercise routine. Each time I began a serious exercise regiment (personal trainers, joining the Y), I became pregnant. 5 kids later, I learned my lesson. No exercise!

But as I fast approach 30 (eek!) and the years of Mountain Dew and eating random not-so-healthy things catch up to me, I’m a few pounds more than I’d like to be. And since there’s no longer a chance of me becoming pregnant again (thank you tubal ligation!), I really shouldn’t be afraid of an exercise plan.

I have to admit I’m lazy. And I can’t even really use the 5 kids as an excuse not to work out because our gym/pool club allows 2 hours of day care there each day. I suppose I could complain about how much work it is to load them all up, drive 15 minutes, and sign them all in but that’s just being silly. And as most people would point out, I can do sit ups, push ups, and squats without even leaving my living room.

Now then if someone could just help me find a free minute to do this new exercise plan, I’d appreciate it. “Running after 5 kids” isn’t keeping my tummy flat or slimming down my thighs as much as I wish it would. Maybe a piece of work out equipment as a desk chair isn’t such a bad idea after all. As long as I can still use a mouse of course.

Katie Fleck is a stay at home mom of five, Zach (10 years), Emily and Ally (8 1/2 year old identical twins), Kyle (5 1/2 years), and Kelly (4 1/2 years old). On a quest for a self cleaning house and 27 hour days, she writes at Ramblings of a SAHM